THE WANDERER, DECEMBER 7, 2006
JOSEPH SOBRAN'S
WASHINGTON WATCH
Terror at the Departure Gate
Far be it from me to burden my public with my
personal woes -- I am told I have already written much
too copiously about my seasickness -- but my Thanksgiving
ordeal seems to me to warrant recounting as an instance
of how absurd modern tyranny can get at the level of
practical detail.
It happened at Dulles Airport. I was planning to
spend the holiday with junior members of the Sobran crime
family in Virginia Beach, a mere half-hour flight from my
home. In retrospect, I should have hitchhiked down there.
These days I never enter an airport without a sense
of foreboding, as if I were treading into the valley of
the Shadow of Death, but I thought I was prepared. I had
official verification of my identity, and I was carrying
no firearms, tweezers, or nail clippers that might set
off alarms. What could possibly go wrong?
I checked in, got my boarding pass, and headed for
the departure gate at the end of a very long line.
Finally, as I approached the gate, I was asked for my
identification. I showed my driver's license to a small
dark woman of Third Worldly appearance and indeterminate
accent. She told me to get out of the line. The license
was expired!
Well, I knew that. There hadn't been much point in
renewing it, since after my stroke I no longer drive. But
what difference could that make? After all, a hijacker
using a forged document would presumably make sure that
the forgery was up to date, no? It was still recognizably
me.
But you know how it is these days. They notoriously
stop white grandmothers on any excuse -- in my case, a
white great-grandfather hobbling along with a cane --
just to display their vigilance. The woman summoned her
supervisor, a slightly paler fellow from elsewhere in the
Third World with a different accent, and he ordered me to
go back for "additional screening."
Additional screaming was more like it. What was the
point of this? What was the "reasoning" involved? "Hees
license ees expired -- maybe he ees terroreest?" Good
thinking there, Borat! If I hadn't been so furious and
frustrated, I would have doubled over laughing. Obviously
they didn't really think I was going to hijack the plane.
But here was a chance to make trouble, and they
couldn't pass it up. I pointed my cane accusingly at the
fellow's face. "Who do you people work for?" I demanded.
"Al-Qaeda?"
So I lugged my carry-on bag all the way back to the
check-in counter, where the very sweet young white woman
there sent me through again, supplying a wheelchair
because by now I was exhausted and nearly weeping in
exasperation.
A pleasant Ethiopian lad wheeled me back to the
gate; he noticed I had a copy of Plato in my bag, and we
struck up a jolly conversation about philosophy. At last
I managed to board my plane, where the short flight was
marred only by a stewardess who seemed to be warming up
for Kwanzaa. I couldn't think of any fresh lines, so I
asked her if she worked for al-Qaeda. (Grumpy silence.)
By the time we landed, I'd begun to understand why
there are suicide bombers. It isn't necessarily political
or religious fanaticism; it's the despairing fury you
feel when at the mercy of a bullying power. Now and then
we get a little taste of it. Imagine going through this
sort of thing every day. This is the government that is
supposed to be protecting us? It's a gluttonous,
irrational monster.
As for my adorable great-granddaughter, I was unable
to coax her to kiss me. She made it clear that she likes
me only, so to speak, as a friend. Ouch.
Up to Old Tricks?
Just when many were hoping for relief as the Age of
Bush begins to wind down, the Democrats started reminding
us of what we may be in for. Now that they dominate
Congress again, they are talking about reviving the Equal
Rights Amendment.
The ERA already seems to belong to another era. The
heroic Phyllis Schlafly defeated it almost
single-handedly, as most Republicans feared to oppose the
feminist juggernaut. Though it was short and blandly
phrased, she rightly warned that the federal judiciary
would discover limitless penumbras and emanations in it.
Mrs. Schlafly stopped it dead on the one-yard line, but
many judges have nevertheless proceeded as if it had been
ratified.
Her warnings are more pertinent than ever. For now
the Democrats will have more to say about the direction
of the federal judiciary, and if the ERA is finally
adopted, it isn't hard to foresee how it will be applied:
All laws against same-sex "marriage" will be declared
unconstitutional. We weren't talking about redefining
marriage in 1975. Even the goofiest liberals weren't
dreaming about it yet.
If anything should recharge the demoralized
Republicans, this should. Like illegal immigration,
homomatrimony is an issue that unites, by angering,
Americans of both parties. Do the Democrats really want
to be saddled with it, just when they've finally started
to scrub off their leftist odor?
The Great Victim Contest
A lot of what passes for political debate in this
country consists of accusing people of "hate." At times
you get the impression that thinking straight is a
hate-crime. Not long ago you risked being called "racist"
if you opposed any claim made in the name of "civil
rights." Likewise you courted the charge of
"anti-Semitism" if you expressed qualms about supporting
Zionism.
And now, if you define marriage as an objective
relation between a man and a woman, you risk being
accused of hating homosexuals, or "homophobia." No use
trying to explain that the idea just doesn't apply to two
guys, any more than it applies to a bull and a kitten.
As this suggests, these victimological word-games
are pretty arbitrary. At one time, you'll recall, the
General Assembly of the United Nations agreed that
Zionism was a form of "racism"! Modern society quarrels
bitterly over who are the victims and who are the
victimizers. In keeping with this, it has developed an
elaborate etiquette of speech, ethnic slurs, euphemisms,
"code-words," and so forth. The forces of organized
touchiness never sleep.
And every week, it seems, a prominent politician,
entertainer, or celebrity transgresses against the
etiquette and is forced to grovel for dear life.
The anomaly that most vividly displays this
arbitrariness is that liberal opinion has never granted
victim status to Christians, despite the ferocious
Communist persecution of Christianity -- whereas the
liberal myth of "McCarthyism" recognizes Communists
themselves as victims. And needless to say, liberals also
regard Christianity, especially the Catholic kind, as the
source of persecution.
+ + +
Warm your cold winter evenings by curling up with
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--- Joseph Sobran
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