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“You Can’t Mean It!”
 I just got
a message from a friend who nearly always disagrees with
me.  His
disagreement usually takes the form of an irritable accusation: to wit, that I
can’t really mean what I say.
I know how he feels. It’s
irrational, but we all tend to get angry when others disagree with us. That’s
because we are so right that nobody in his right mind could honestly deny it,
isn’t it?
Accepting disagreement as sincere is one
of the severe tests of maturity. I always think of George Orwell, one of my
literary heroes, who recognized in himself “a rare capacity for facing
unpleasant facts.” One of these facts is that other people are as sure of
their convictions as you are of yours, and they are as sure of your dishonesty as
you are of theirs.
It took me a long time to face this. It
was so tempting to believe that deep down, my opponents agreed with me but
perversely refused to admit it. Finally it sank in: They meant what they said just
as much as I did. I had to face the test of truth just as much as I wanted them to.
If I was right, I must be prepared to demonstrate it to unbiased people (if I could
find any).
A silly old adage has it that you should
never argue about politics and religion. But as G.K. Chesterton retorted, politics
and religion are the only subjects worth arguing about. If only we could
all do it as cheerfully and as charitably as Chesterton does!
I certainly can’t. But I’ve
trained myself, at long last, to suppress my annoyance at disagreement, and even
to take a friendly interest in it. The other fellow must have some reason for
thinking as he does. As William Blake says, “Everything that is possible to
be believed is an image of truth.”
![[Breaker quote: Yes I can!]](2004breakers/041028.gif) When
it comes to the hot topics of
religion and politics, it’s true, most people believe what they want to
believe. Their “beliefs” really flow from wishful thinking, not reason.
And in a way they admit this when they assume that my beliefs must also flow
from mere wishes. They assume that all of us believe what we want to believe,
just as they do.
I can say that this isn’t true in my
case, because, like Orwell, I’ve steeled myself to face those unpleasant
facts. I now believe many things I’d much rather not believe. I’ve also
had to give up beliefs I once cherished, at some cost in comfort, recognition, and
dear friendships. Not to mention money.
For example, I was sitting pretty when I
was a mainstream conservative. I miss those days. But there’s no going
back. Finally, it’s a matter of self-respect: I just couldn’t keep
saying things I could no longer say with conviction. I have to endure a certain
amount of isolation and even ostracism. But as John Kerry’s dying mother so
memorably said, “Remember — integrity, integrity, integrity!”
On a slightly less lofty matter, I’m
sometimes accused of “snobbery” for arguing that
“Shakespeare” was really the 17th Earl of Oxford — which
implies, again, that my wish was father to the thought. But I’m about as
snobbish as a mongrel pup, and I was happy to believe that Shakespeare was an
ordinary young man; it took an effort to realize that he was really a bisexual lord.
This was far from what I wished to discover.
The truth, I think, is the reverse:
Believers in the Stratford man want to believe he was the great poet,
in spite of the evidence. They like the dear Horatio Alger story of the country boy
“warbling his native woodnotes wild,” and a charming story it is. But
I can’t believe it. I have to force myself to realize that many people still do.
Another kind of wishful thinking is the
desire to think the worst of our enemies in every possible way. This is common in
politics, as when Republicans, not content with savaging John Kerry, also savage
his wife for pretty harmless remarks. I don’t mind that they are ungallant,
but that they are so desperately petty about it.
If you want to know how wise and honest
a man is, observe how much he is willing to credit to his opponents.
Joseph Sobran |
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| Copyright © 2004 by the
Griffin Internet Syndicate, a division of Griffin Communications This column may not be reprinted in print or Internet publications without express permission of Griffin Internet Syndicate 
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