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The Republican Future
 Hallelujah!
Yippee! Hooray! Gloria in excelsis! Goody-
goody! O frabjous day! Hot diggety dog! Heh-heh-heh.
 In
short, it’s beginning to look a lot like
Kwanzaa.
Yes, I’m
pleased with the result. Okay, it wasn’t quite the blowout the drive-by
media predicted, and it was clouded by the news that Britney and Kevin are
divorcing; but as Shakespeare says, ’tis enough, ’twill serve.
The Democrats’ capture of the House ensures the lasting infamy of
George W. Bush’s sorry presidency, no matter what he does in his
remaining two years. Like Bill Clinton’s impeachment, it will leave its
stain.
As of 4 a.m.
Wednesday, Nancy Pelosi’s charm was already starting to wear thin.
By 4:17 it had vanished entirely. The Democrats are crowing now, but they
won’t be invulnerable for long.
Unresolved, at
this writing, is the question whether the Democrats will also take the Senate.
That may come down to a single closerthanthis contest in Virginia, followed
by a recount.
Virginia, in short,
is the new Florida.
The battle
between Senator George Allen, the Republican incumbent, and James Webb,
his Democratic challenger, has been complicated by ethnic tensions. After
he’d alienated the macaca community, it came out that Allen is a Jew.
Technically. Things threatened to get ugly when the Jews refused to accept
him and the gentiles refused to take him back.
When the dust
settles, the two parties will have to bury the hatchet and work together on
the challenges facing our great country, such as whether President Bush
should follow Iraq’s former president Saddam Hussein to the gallows.
I’m not talking about lynching; I’m talking about the rule of law,
due process, equal protection, and all that.
![[Breaker quote for The Republican Future: Now what?]](2006breakers/061109.gif) No
man is above the law, and the Nuremberg trials
established the principle that even heads of state may be held accountable
for crimes against humanity, such as waging aggressive war. This goes far
beyond impeachment, an idea the Democrats have already flirted with.
We’re talking about the death penalty, for which George W. Bush, as
governor of Texas, has already demonstrated his enthusiasm. (It goes with
family values.)
I am opposed to
capital punishment, and I’m not going to make an exception now, but
the Nuremberg principle can be served without actually going through with a
hanging. It will be enough if Bush is formally held responsible for his deeds
and convicted. Then, perhaps, President Cheney, a man of mercy but not
necessarily infinite mercy, could issue a pardon at the last minute, just
before they kicked the chair out from under Bush’s feet, commuting
the sentence to hard labor.
It might add to
the drama, and the fun, if President Cheney would imitate Governor Bush in
mocking Bush’s pleas for clemency by squealing, in a high falsetto,
“Don’t kill me! Oh, please don’t kill me!” the way
Bush did for that woman, what was her name, before her sentence was
executed back in Texas. We don’t want blood, but a little exemplary
justice would be mighty nice.
All this still leaves
us with a practical question: What are the Republicans going to do in 2008?
Recent events have taken a heavy toll on their prospective presidential
candidates. For various reasons I think we can rule out Cheney, Allen, John
McCain, Rudy Giuliani, Jeb Bush, George H.W. Bush, Mike Bloomberg,
Condoleezza Rice, Mitt Romney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Newt Gingrich, Sam
Brownback, Jerry Ford, and Bob Dole, all of whom are technically eligible
(except Schwarzenegger) but who fail to meet other criteria.
That leaves one
man: Dan Quayle. Not only is he eligible, but he has executive experience and
would raise the Republicans’ intellectual level. Everything old is new
again.
Quayle has never
been a media darling, but his image is still youthful, yet he has powerful
nostalgic appeal. He is untouched by scandal; he has never shot a hunting
companion; he is not known to be gay; he has written no dirty books; he has
no lesbian children; he was born in this country; he has never started a war
or antagonized a major ethnic community; he is not being sued by an
embittered former wife. His only known flaw is poor spelling.
As Republicans
go, Quayle is a fascinating enigma. If anything, he is perhaps too perfect.
Joseph Sobran |
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| Copyright © 2006 by the
Griffin Internet Syndicate, a division of Griffin Communications This column may not be reprinted in print or Internet publications without express permission of Griffin Internet Syndicate 
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